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Life with 2 under 2 is BUSY

Between nursing/feeding baby, getting snacks for toddler, laundry, dishes, tidy the house, make supper, play with the kids… How do you find time to shower, wear makeup, or do any of those little things that help you feel human?

It’s hard, at first

Take baby steps. When you first have 2 under 2, even just remembering to eat lunch some days can be a task!

I think I lived in pajama pants most of the time, and taking the time to put my contacts in instead of just wearing my glasses? That was a big day.  

You are important too

I’ve probably said it 100 times before, but life with 2 under 2 is spent in survival mode at first. It gets easier, promise! 

Taking deliberate thought and action helps. Acknowledge that your needs are important, and prioritize them. 

How to squeeze a shower into the day 

Showering when you have 2 under 2 is kind of a circus. There are a few ways you can manage it though!

• Shower first thing after breakfast: Little kids and babies are happiest first thing in the morning- Eat a quick breakfast with your toddler, feed the baby, and then shower while they’re happy! 

*always contain your children somewhere safe during a shower* ie: baby playing happily in the crib within earshot or listening to them on a baby monitor, toddler playing with toys in the same bathroom while you shower. 

• Shower during morning nap: when baby goes down for his morning nap, lay him down in his crib, occupy the toddler with a fascinating toy in the bathroom, and you get to shower!
• Shower while your spouse occupies the kids.
• You could also squeeze in a shower before the babies wake up or after they go to sleep. 

Take time to yourself when you can

Lay aside the mom-guilt and start taking up your family members on their offers to babysit! Or find a reliable sitter that you trust. 

Even if you just take a few hours to do something you love, do it! It feels so good. 

I think I was just 5-6 weeks postpartum when I left the kids with my mom to go ride my horse, and it felt amazing to do something just for me. I was so energized!

It’s not selfish

A happy mom helps make a happy family. If you take a few hours to prioritize yourself, you’re recharging and creating energy to be your best self for your family later.  

Whether you get a sitter to go out to lunch with a friend, or go out and get a pedicure. Taking the time to remind yourself that you are a person outside of motherhood is important. 

Self-care looks different for everyone

I think drinking my coffee while it’s still hot is self care. Going to lunch with a friend is a vacation. Texting a friend to just chat and bask in her understanding and camaraderie is food to my mama-heart. 

It will look different for each person depending on your own personal needs. But acknowledging your needs and meeting them is what’s important. 

Don’t be so busy taking care of everyone else that you run yourself into the ground

Prevention is the cure, as they say. Take care of yourself BEFORE mommy-burnout hits.

I get the most horrible “I want to crawl out of my skin” feeling when I’m feeling burnt out. And it is awful. Don’t let it get to that point!

Take care of yourself, love yourself, prioritize your needs. 

Because you deserve it mama. 

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What you need to learn

Shoulders hunched, discouragement and defeat on his face, teary eyes lifted sadly, my little son told me he wanted to quit.

It was just too hard for him, and he couldn’t do it, he said. His math book was just too difficult and he needed to go back a grade level.

Then he cried.

I looked at him, too astonished to speak for a moment.  This is a child who is precocious, intelligent, and studies eagerly. He had achieved the level he was in by his own efforts, not because of my expectations or any pushing.

For him to suddenly collapse with defeat was startling, especially when he had been doing really well!

What had happened?

Then I discovered that he had been flipping through his book to the sections near the end, when his current lessons are still in the first third of the book. When he had seen problems and difficult questions he was unable to answer or even understand yet, he had collapsed in overwhelm, discouragement, and defeat. He told himself he just wasn’t able to do it – he wasn’t smart enough. And then he believed it.

But he was nowhere near ready to take those problems on yet – he had a lot of lessons in between where he was now and what he would need to know by then!

And then it hit me:

How many times am I like that? How about you? 

I can look ahead and see in the future the outline of a difficult problem or situation, and I freeze in fear. I have no idea of how to solve that problem! I don’t even know the first thing to do to address it!

And depression, discouragement, insecurity, and overwhelm set in. I listen to the story that I will never be able to overcome the challenge, or that when it comes I will drown in writhing defeat.

What if looking that far ahead in my current perspective was actually a major detriment to my progress? 

Like my son, I am self-sabotaging my own success by comparing my abilities NOW with what I will need THEN – without factoring in my own significant change in the process.

He who began a good work in me is FAITHFUL to complete it (Phil 1:6). He will unceasingly work in my heart and life (so far as I allow Him to have the authority), and He will not allow me to skip any lesson that He knows I will need for success later on!

He is the most patient and best of Teachers, the most thorough and kind of all Guides and Counselors. His loving wisdom to know exactly what I need when and in what timing is something I can absolutely trust in. 

And so can you.

I encourage you to look ahead – it’s what gives us inspiration and excitement! And carefully plan and excitedly dream and hopefully purpose.

But bring your wise and loving Teacher along with you in these moments. When you’re tempted to flip ahead too far and what you see overwhelms and scares you rather than inspires you, shut that flipping book. 

Grab your Father’s comforting hand, climb up and listen to His heart, and trustingly ask Him what it is He wants you to learn NOW.

Ask for the faith to believe He will teach you in the way you learn best.

And ask for the teachable, soft heart to learn it well!

Then ask the same thing each day, for the rest of your life.

And I think by the time we each get to the thing that looked so scary, we will have an entire assortment of experiences and lessons and understanding that will give us a more solid foundation for facing the challenge well. And so we can hold onto hope!

Our God is filled with tender love, kindness and patience. A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out (Matthew 12:20).

And I am certain that the next lesson He gives us is one that is one that He knows we are ready for. So we can wholeheartedly look in His face and smile, trusting Him to walk us through it well. 

I hope you are well, my lovely friend. I will be praying that whatever lesson you and I face in this time finds us both with soft and teachable hearts, open hands, and trusting and uplifted outlooks.

Take a moment right now to tell God you trust Him. Ask for that teachable, soft heart. And thank Him for being such a patient and wise Teacher to help you learn what you need for today. 

I’m so excited for us! Best school day ever.

– Maria

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MONTHLY MEAL PLAN

[Confessions of a Mama of 8]

Stress, frustration, tears, and woe: this was my frequent reality at dinner time because the food wasn’t ready, my people were crying from hungriness and low-blood sugar, and I was trying to fight through a new recipe. With meat that wasn’t thawed yet because I had forgotten to plan ahead.

If any of this rings a bell with you, read on!

I never used to meal plan until this past year. In fact, I’ve been trying to figure out a meal planning method that actually worked for my life (feeding 10 people daily, a wide range of cuisines we love, lots of littles, a couple of picky-eaters) that I could maintain.

It is with great joy I now share with you the successful method I have found, hoping you find some helpful ideas too! Adapt and modify it as you need for your own life. This is supposed to lessen your stress, not increase it.

1. Schedule about 30 minutes to meal plan for the first time (this is only because of the extra time making the Menu Guide List that you will use each time thereafter). After this first time, it should be relatively faster – more like 15 mins, or less!

2. Assess your current season of life. Be very honest. Do you have infants, young children, erratic schedules, late night commitments, or heavy workloads?

Do you deal with special food requirements due to allergies/sensitivities, or super picky people? Is it easy for you to get to the store/get groceries or will you be trying to use produce or food you raised or already have a lot of?

Is it cold outside (scheduling soups, stews, chilis, etc) or warm (planning salads, outdoor grilling, lighter fare)? What do you have on hand in your pantry/freezer?

3. Make your Menu Guide List, keeping your current season and what you already have on hand in mind. This means simplify and go for maximum efficiency over fancy or complicated meals.

Try to get at least 10-15 regular meals that you and your family eat and generally enjoy.  Ask your children for their suggestions and input, if you want (I do – it helps me remember meals I forget about, and also lets them feel involved and less likely to complain about what’s planned!)

Some friends I have use a smaller number of repeating meals. I tend to go bigger – often using up to 20 meals.  Make this list ideal for you, and keep it in a place you can reference often! 

*UPDATE your Menu Guide List as your life/schedule/the weather changes. Be honest about meals that just aren’t working well for you anymore, and need either updating or replacing.

An important category to include on your Menu Guide List is your Hero Meals! These are the 3-4 meals that you can make quickly or easily that are generally well-liked by a majority of your family, which you always have ingredients for, that you can make without stress. If it’s something that you find easy and enjoyable, put it on the list.  Try to get at least 3. And find a cape to wear when you make them – one of our favorites are these amazing baked hamburgers!

4. Find a calendar format you want to use (Google calendar, a paper calendar, a monthly planner, your phone, whatever you find works well for you), and note the days that already have appointments or commitments – anything that will impact your time to prepare an evening meal.

5. Begin putting in your Hero meals on the days that will contain the highest stress-level or the shortest available prep-time.

6. Fill in any days that are “Family Tradition” meal days – like Taco Tuesdays, or Pizza Fridays, or Leftover Mondays… whatever it is that you routinely make or eat on a specific day, write those in! Our Friday tradition is this amazing al fresco-style supper!

7. Plug in the meals from your Menu Guide List on the rest of the days, trying to keep a rational flow – For example, if you’re having a roast on one night and you know you’ll have leftovers, plan a basic stew or nachos with the leftover meat within a day or two afterwards.

CONGRATULATIONS! You did it! An entire month of meals planned and suddenly you’re feeling empowered and positive about the weeks to come because you know that you have a plan in place!

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How to Find Belonging and Joy

In People of the Deer, author Farley Mowat writes about his experience of living among the last surviving people of the Ihalmiut in the tundra of northern Canada. A people who lived traditionally and almost entirely off the migrating caribou herds, they had warmly welcomed Mowat into their camp. 

Farley was delighted by the opportunity to learn from and experience the way these unknown and isolated people lived, but there was a significant problem: He spoke no Ihalmiut, nor did they speak any English. Initially, they communicated brokenly through an interpreter who had learned some of their dialects, but the man was leaving the Barrens for good. It seemed pointless for Mowat to stay if communication was not possible.

Mowat made a decision: despite being told that their language was complex and incredibly difficult to master, he would learn it, as best he could.

This decision became the pivotal point in the relationship between him and the Ihalmiut people.

He writes that when he acted out his desire to learn their language to the two Ihalmiut men who had befriended him, the effect was astonishing. Once they understood what he meant, they in turn emphatically and repeatedly acted out complete acceptance of him as an adopted member of their people, claiming that he was now one of the Ihalmiut.

Humbled and deeply moved by the unexpected love these people showed an outsider, Mowat resolved to study their language with great effort. He was surprised to find, in the months following, he was able to make rapid progress and began communicating quickly. He was pleased by the seeming ease with which he mastered the basics of their language.

Somewhat arrogant about his success, Mowat tells of an encounter about a year later: Encountering a man who was a member of another related people group, he casually made a long, complicated remark in Ihalmiut – and was met with utter bewilderment. The man had no idea what Mowat was saying: it was unintelligible gibberish.

Mowat came to realize the stunning truth: the people of the Ihalmiut had deliberately created an extremely simplified version of their language to allow him to communicate with them.

Not only had this “pidgin” Ihalmiut been developed and used by the two men who were his self-assigned tutors, they had made sure the entire tribe used this simplified form of language!

The Ihalmiut language was incredibly sophisticated, with many distinct nuances and multiple precise tenses – all of which would have been too hard for him. He would have given up in discouragement immediately if he had tried to learn their language as it actually was.

Because of the love of these people for a complete stranger, and their whole-hearted acceptance and kindness in adopting him as family, they all willingly changed their language to allow him to live among them.

This is a story of unconditional love, undeserved kindness, and grace.

This is also a picture of the breath-taking love God has shown us.

In stunning kindness to us, this all-powerful, all-knowing Being chose to create a “pidgin” language to help communicate with us – He came to us as a human, Jesus Christ.

His Spirit inspired men to write in human words to help us attempt to comprehend Him, His character, and explain His glory. Yet even the most exquisite words can give only a feeble sense of His nature, His worth, His power and holiness.

It is when we make a decision to pursue a relationship with Him that everything we previously knew shifts. He knows we cannot grasp the extent of His greatness. He knows that we cannot fully comprehend the magnitude of His worth. But when we have taken that first step of stating our desire for relationship with Him despite the impossible challenge – He sees our feeble attempt and roars with joy as He rushes to meet us.

As we move toward Him, awkward and faltering, He exuberantly reaches out to us with His arms wide open and an enormous smile of joyous welcome. Declaring we are His forever and assuredly a member of His family, we are loved and accepted completely and finally.

There is no percentage in this relationship we can take any credit for – He gave us life, gave us the desire to seek Him, and then enabled the connection through Jesus’ sacrifice. This is no “lion’s share” of relationship. This is the entire share.

Why? Because He is love (1 John 4:8-10). And encountering this mind-blowing loveliness of God is what give us our greatest joy, deepest delight, and purest pleasure (Psalm 16:11, 36:8).

May we all come to a place where we, though awkward, stammering outsiders, experience the richness of love and kindness that makes us family with our King, though we have done nothing to deserve it.

The Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son.

John 1:14, NLT

-Maria

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Recently, I saw a hilarious announcement: the owner of a company had a big plan! He was dressing up as Willy Wonka (complete with purple top hat and floppy golden bow tie) and had a handful of “Golden Tickets” which gave the recipient free goods and bonus just-released items. He was going to put the tickets randomly in various orders that were made that day. It was such a creative way to encourage business!

Although you probably already know about Willy Wonka, the reference is from a children’s book by Roald Dahl, “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”. It is a fantastical, imaginative tale about a young boy from a very poor family who finds a golden ticket in a chocolate bar. The ticket grants the bearer a special tour of an amazing and mysterious candy factory run and owned by the eccentric millionaire Willy Wonka. There are only five tickets hidden in specific chocolate bar wrappers, and are greatly coveted and sought after by thousands of young hopefuls.

The five children who win the Golden Tickets and arrive for the tour later discover that they are the five candidates for Willy Wonka’s replacement – he wants to retire and the tour is in actuality a sort of interview to determine who the next owner of the factory will be. Only one can emerge the new heir, and the series of events in the chocolate factory tour show that it will need to be a very uniquely qualified person indeed.

Who doesn’t love the idea of winning a “Golden Ticket”?

Especially if it was unexpected and entirely unmerited through your own effort or talent!

Going from a gritty and gray daily grind to suddenly having an entirely new opportunity that includes joy, creativity, pleasure, authority, and wealth – what an incredible prospect!

So guess what? 

To anyone who is a follower of Christ, you are the winner of a Golden Ticket!

Granted sudden and immediate access to God through Jesus’ sacrifice, you’re invited into the Kingdom. And not only as a tourist or a day-visitor: You have been invited to become part of God’s Kingdom operations – given the work of growing and furthering it (Daniel 7:18).

And it wasn’t random chance that you received this ticket. Nope! You were hand-selected by God, chosen and called (Ephesians 1:4), because He sees you, knows you, and loves you. And He wanted you to be the one specifically in charge of the work He prepared for you before time began (Ephesians 2:10).

This Kingdom work is so multi-faceted and so greatly varied that there is plenty of space for everyone who is called to have their own particular area of operations. For me right now, this means taking a good hard look at the roles I have currently been given (mama and wife, homemaker, teacher/mentor, friend…) then, with passion, focus, and humility, getting up each day to fill those roles with all the strength and ability He helps me to have. 

What roles and what work have been assigned to you in this time? Whatever it is, be encouraged to do it with all your strength (Ecclesiastes 9:10), knowing that you’ll be giving a project report on it at some point (Hebrews 4:13).

There is a brighter time coming, when we will reign with Him (2 Timothy 2:12, Romans 8:17). For right now, it’s like the part where we are faithfully learning and training as apprentices or interns. So we must not lose heart, even when it seems like the gray and the grit of our current circumstances are more real than the fact of a gleaming Golden Ticket in our hand.

Each person who won a Golden Ticket didn’t automatically receive the right to ownership of the Chocolate Factory – they had to act on the promise it gave, and show up on the appointed day to be allowed inside!

We can hold onto the same hope – knowing that the gate will swing open for us and we will be welcomed in, for we have been given a hope that is certain:

Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. (Hebrews 10:23, NLT)

Can’t wait to be heirs of the “Chocolate Factory” with you, my friend!

– Maria

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Today my heart feels broken.
A friend I love is facing an agony of loss. In joining her in her grief, my own heart is heavy and sorrowful. There have been many prayers and many, many more tears.
And as I think of this friend in her particular pain, more loved ones come to mind who are grappling with their own unique weight of sorrow, loss, or grief. Each precious person carries such a heavy load – unable to be measured adequately or fully comprehended except by the bearer. I feel so helpless and unable to lighten their weight, even as I take some of their sorrow to carry in my heart alongside them.

So what do we do to find hope in the dark? How do we find strength when the pain and anguish seem like the only real things and the world spins on, heedless and indifferent? What perspective should we hold to enable us to move forward?
Years ago, I read a strange and beautiful short story which I have never forgotten, and which I share an adapted excerpt from here, in the hope that it will help answer the above question.

As a brief introduction, a young wife has just delivered her first baby, who is unexpectedly stillborn. This is a great loss to both herself and her husband, who had both been eagerly anticipating the birth of their son.  
In this scene, the wife has been lying in bed, grieving and weeping over her baby, and thinking a great deal. She then unexpectedly prays the following prayer to God:

“O God, if you will not let me be a mother, I have one refuge: I will go back and be a child: I will be your child more than ever. My mother-heart will find relief in childhood towards its Father. 
“For is it not the same nature that makes the true mother and the true child? Is it not the same thought blossoming upward and blossoming downward? So there is God the Father and God the Son.
“You will keep my little son for me. He has gone home to be nurtured for me. And when I grow well, I will be more simple, and truthful, and joyful in your sight.
“And now you are taking away my child, my delight from me. But I think how pleased I should be, if I had a daughter, and she loved me so well that she only smiled when I took her plaything from her.
“Oh! I will not disappoint you – you shall have your joy. Here I am, do with me what you will; I will only smile.”*

This woman’s prayer is no bitter spurt of cynicism or anger.
She is not being weak in her acceptance of her loss, nor does she minimize the pain or depth of it. With courage she chooses an unusual perspective, but one in which she senses the thrum of a Truth far greater than herself:

She knows herself to be a dearly loved little girl who is under the care of a wise and trustworthy Parent, One in Whom she can trust even when she doesn’t understand why she is experiencing loss or pain. 

This kind of trust is terrible and terrifying to us who have become adults and enjoy the [seeming] security of independence and self-reliance. But implicitly loving, joyful trust is natural to a young child, especially one who has utter confidence in the kindness and ultimately good purpose of their parent. 

When they experience pain or sadness, a little child finds comfort in the shelter of their parent’s arms – even if the pain is not ended or the sadness is not stopped. It is enough to rest there, knowing they are held and loved.

In our grief, in our feelings of lonely sorrow, we can find solace knowing that our Father not only understands, He is able to relate well:

“He was despised and rejected— a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care.” (Isaiah 53:3, NLT) 

Our part then, is to humble ourselves as little children. Choosing to place ourselves, our lives, and even our loved ones under His care, we are called to  the courageous place of behaving as a little son or daughter should to their loving Mommy or Daddy. (Matthew 18:1-4) 

Without negating any of the anguish we feel, and truthfully acknowledging our loss and sorrow, we can look up at Him through our tears and, with open hands, offer up what was a gift from Him in the first place.

And each step, each breath, each moment afterward, we can walk in our journey through our grief knowing that He is right there holding us up, walking with us, tenderly caring about us and the hurts we carry in our broken hearts.

“God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NLT

*From George MacDonald’s The Gray Wolf and Other Stories, “Birth, Dreaming, Death: the Schoolmaster’s Story”

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