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What you need to learn

Shoulders hunched, discouragement and defeat on his face, teary eyes lifted sadly, my little son told me he wanted to quit.

It was just too hard for him, and he couldn’t do it, he said. His math book was just too difficult and he needed to go back a grade level.

Then he cried.

I looked at him, too astonished to speak for a moment.  This is a child who is precocious, intelligent, and studies eagerly. He had achieved the level he was in by his own efforts, not because of my expectations or any pushing.

For him to suddenly collapse with defeat was startling, especially when he had been doing really well!

What had happened?

Then I discovered that he had been flipping through his book to the sections near the end, when his current lessons are still in the first third of the book. When he had seen problems and difficult questions he was unable to answer or even understand yet, he had collapsed in overwhelm, discouragement, and defeat. He told himself he just wasn’t able to do it – he wasn’t smart enough. And then he believed it.

But he was nowhere near ready to take those problems on yet – he had a lot of lessons in between where he was now and what he would need to know by then!

And then it hit me:

How many times am I like that? How about you? 

I can look ahead and see in the future the outline of a difficult problem or situation, and I freeze in fear. I have no idea of how to solve that problem! I don’t even know the first thing to do to address it!

And depression, discouragement, insecurity, and overwhelm set in. I listen to the story that I will never be able to overcome the challenge, or that when it comes I will drown in writhing defeat.

What if looking that far ahead in my current perspective was actually a major detriment to my progress? 

Like my son, I am self-sabotaging my own success by comparing my abilities NOW with what I will need THEN – without factoring in my own significant change in the process.

He who began a good work in me is FAITHFUL to complete it (Phil 1:6). He will unceasingly work in my heart and life (so far as I allow Him to have the authority), and He will not allow me to skip any lesson that He knows I will need for success later on!

He is the most patient and best of Teachers, the most thorough and kind of all Guides and Counselors. His loving wisdom to know exactly what I need when and in what timing is something I can absolutely trust in. 

And so can you.

I encourage you to look ahead – it’s what gives us inspiration and excitement! And carefully plan and excitedly dream and hopefully purpose.

But bring your wise and loving Teacher along with you in these moments. When you’re tempted to flip ahead too far and what you see overwhelms and scares you rather than inspires you, shut that flipping book. 

Grab your Father’s comforting hand, climb up and listen to His heart, and trustingly ask Him what it is He wants you to learn NOW.

Ask for the faith to believe He will teach you in the way you learn best.

And ask for the teachable, soft heart to learn it well!

Then ask the same thing each day, for the rest of your life.

And I think by the time we each get to the thing that looked so scary, we will have an entire assortment of experiences and lessons and understanding that will give us a more solid foundation for facing the challenge well. And so we can hold onto hope!

Our God is filled with tender love, kindness and patience. A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out (Matthew 12:20).

And I am certain that the next lesson He gives us is one that is one that He knows we are ready for. So we can wholeheartedly look in His face and smile, trusting Him to walk us through it well. 

I hope you are well, my lovely friend. I will be praying that whatever lesson you and I face in this time finds us both with soft and teachable hearts, open hands, and trusting and uplifted outlooks.

Take a moment right now to tell God you trust Him. Ask for that teachable, soft heart. And thank Him for being such a patient and wise Teacher to help you learn what you need for today. 

I’m so excited for us! Best school day ever.

– Maria

If this has been encouraging and helpful to you, please share it on your social media platforms! (Thank you!)

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(see the sidebar or at the bottom of this article at www.eastwillowplace.com)!

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How to Find Belonging and Joy

In People of the Deer, author Farley Mowat writes about his experience of living among the last surviving people of the Ihalmiut in the tundra of northern Canada. A people who lived traditionally and almost entirely off the migrating caribou herds, they had warmly welcomed Mowat into their camp. 

Farley was delighted by the opportunity to learn from and experience the way these unknown and isolated people lived, but there was a significant problem: He spoke no Ihalmiut, nor did they speak any English. Initially, they communicated brokenly through an interpreter who had learned some of their dialects, but the man was leaving the Barrens for good. It seemed pointless for Mowat to stay if communication was not possible.

Mowat made a decision: despite being told that their language was complex and incredibly difficult to master, he would learn it, as best he could.

This decision became the pivotal point in the relationship between him and the Ihalmiut people.

He writes that when he acted out his desire to learn their language to the two Ihalmiut men who had befriended him, the effect was astonishing. Once they understood what he meant, they in turn emphatically and repeatedly acted out complete acceptance of him as an adopted member of their people, claiming that he was now one of the Ihalmiut.

Humbled and deeply moved by the unexpected love these people showed an outsider, Mowat resolved to study their language with great effort. He was surprised to find, in the months following, he was able to make rapid progress and began communicating quickly. He was pleased by the seeming ease with which he mastered the basics of their language.

Somewhat arrogant about his success, Mowat tells of an encounter about a year later: Encountering a man who was a member of another related people group, he casually made a long, complicated remark in Ihalmiut – and was met with utter bewilderment. The man had no idea what Mowat was saying: it was unintelligible gibberish.

Mowat came to realize the stunning truth: the people of the Ihalmiut had deliberately created an extremely simplified version of their language to allow him to communicate with them.

Not only had this “pidgin” Ihalmiut been developed and used by the two men who were his self-assigned tutors, they had made sure the entire tribe used this simplified form of language!

The Ihalmiut language was incredibly sophisticated, with many distinct nuances and multiple precise tenses – all of which would have been too hard for him. He would have given up in discouragement immediately if he had tried to learn their language as it actually was.

Because of the love of these people for a complete stranger, and their whole-hearted acceptance and kindness in adopting him as family, they all willingly changed their language to allow him to live among them.

This is a story of unconditional love, undeserved kindness, and grace.

This is also a picture of the breath-taking love God has shown us.

In stunning kindness to us, this all-powerful, all-knowing Being chose to create a “pidgin” language to help communicate with us – He came to us as a human, Jesus Christ.

His Spirit inspired men to write in human words to help us attempt to comprehend Him, His character, and explain His glory. Yet even the most exquisite words can give only a feeble sense of His nature, His worth, His power and holiness.

It is when we make a decision to pursue a relationship with Him that everything we previously knew shifts. He knows we cannot grasp the extent of His greatness. He knows that we cannot fully comprehend the magnitude of His worth. But when we have taken that first step of stating our desire for relationship with Him despite the impossible challenge – He sees our feeble attempt and roars with joy as He rushes to meet us.

As we move toward Him, awkward and faltering, He exuberantly reaches out to us with His arms wide open and an enormous smile of joyous welcome. Declaring we are His forever and assuredly a member of His family, we are loved and accepted completely and finally.

There is no percentage in this relationship we can take any credit for – He gave us life, gave us the desire to seek Him, and then enabled the connection through Jesus’ sacrifice. This is no “lion’s share” of relationship. This is the entire share.

Why? Because He is love (1 John 4:8-10). And encountering this mind-blowing loveliness of God is what give us our greatest joy, deepest delight, and purest pleasure (Psalm 16:11, 36:8).

May we all come to a place where we, though awkward, stammering outsiders, experience the richness of love and kindness that makes us family with our King, though we have done nothing to deserve it.

The Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness. And we have seen his glory, the glory of the Father’s one and only Son.

John 1:14, NLT

-Maria

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Today my heart feels broken.
A friend I love is facing an agony of loss. In joining her in her grief, my own heart is heavy and sorrowful. There have been many prayers and many, many more tears.
And as I think of this friend in her particular pain, more loved ones come to mind who are grappling with their own unique weight of sorrow, loss, or grief. Each precious person carries such a heavy load – unable to be measured adequately or fully comprehended except by the bearer. I feel so helpless and unable to lighten their weight, even as I take some of their sorrow to carry in my heart alongside them.

So what do we do to find hope in the dark? How do we find strength when the pain and anguish seem like the only real things and the world spins on, heedless and indifferent? What perspective should we hold to enable us to move forward?
Years ago, I read a strange and beautiful short story which I have never forgotten, and which I share an adapted excerpt from here, in the hope that it will help answer the above question.

As a brief introduction, a young wife has just delivered her first baby, who is unexpectedly stillborn. This is a great loss to both herself and her husband, who had both been eagerly anticipating the birth of their son.  
In this scene, the wife has been lying in bed, grieving and weeping over her baby, and thinking a great deal. She then unexpectedly prays the following prayer to God:

“O God, if you will not let me be a mother, I have one refuge: I will go back and be a child: I will be your child more than ever. My mother-heart will find relief in childhood towards its Father. 
“For is it not the same nature that makes the true mother and the true child? Is it not the same thought blossoming upward and blossoming downward? So there is God the Father and God the Son.
“You will keep my little son for me. He has gone home to be nurtured for me. And when I grow well, I will be more simple, and truthful, and joyful in your sight.
“And now you are taking away my child, my delight from me. But I think how pleased I should be, if I had a daughter, and she loved me so well that she only smiled when I took her plaything from her.
“Oh! I will not disappoint you – you shall have your joy. Here I am, do with me what you will; I will only smile.”*

This woman’s prayer is no bitter spurt of cynicism or anger.
She is not being weak in her acceptance of her loss, nor does she minimize the pain or depth of it. With courage she chooses an unusual perspective, but one in which she senses the thrum of a Truth far greater than herself:

She knows herself to be a dearly loved little girl who is under the care of a wise and trustworthy Parent, One in Whom she can trust even when she doesn’t understand why she is experiencing loss or pain. 

This kind of trust is terrible and terrifying to us who have become adults and enjoy the [seeming] security of independence and self-reliance. But implicitly loving, joyful trust is natural to a young child, especially one who has utter confidence in the kindness and ultimately good purpose of their parent. 

When they experience pain or sadness, a little child finds comfort in the shelter of their parent’s arms – even if the pain is not ended or the sadness is not stopped. It is enough to rest there, knowing they are held and loved.

In our grief, in our feelings of lonely sorrow, we can find solace knowing that our Father not only understands, He is able to relate well:

“He was despised and rejected— a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care.” (Isaiah 53:3, NLT) 

Our part then, is to humble ourselves as little children. Choosing to place ourselves, our lives, and even our loved ones under His care, we are called to  the courageous place of behaving as a little son or daughter should to their loving Mommy or Daddy. (Matthew 18:1-4) 

Without negating any of the anguish we feel, and truthfully acknowledging our loss and sorrow, we can look up at Him through our tears and, with open hands, offer up what was a gift from Him in the first place.

And each step, each breath, each moment afterward, we can walk in our journey through our grief knowing that He is right there holding us up, walking with us, tenderly caring about us and the hurts we carry in our broken hearts.

“God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NLT

*From George MacDonald’s The Gray Wolf and Other Stories, “Birth, Dreaming, Death: the Schoolmaster’s Story”

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Sometimes it’s hard to enjoy your children

It can be a struggle to enjoy your little children when you’re feeling overwhelmed.  A season of illness, a new baby, a husband who travels, school starting, or any disruption can start of cycle of overwhelming feelings. 

When we’re overwhelmed and exhausted, it becomes really hard to think clearly; and when we’re overwhelmed and not thinking clearly, we can’t give our children our best. 

In those days of overwhelm, we stop seeing the joy in life. Then the children start behaving in reaction to your negative emotions, and a terrible cycle develops. To help you, I’m going to give some concrete ideas on how to stop the overwhelming whirlpool that is sucking the joy out of life.

Create a daily routine to enjoy your children

To start, I want to emphasize that it’s really important to keep a consistent daily and weekly routine for your children.  Having a routine provides expectations and boundaries in the day and that gives them security. 

Children thrive in secure environments.  They like to know what to expect and when to expect it.  We all do!  It’s what gives that feeling of relief and satisfaction when coming home from a long trip, even though the trip was probably a fun vacation.  Aim for a consistent daily routine.

On your own with your children?

Does your husband travel for work or does he have an erratic work schedule?  Mine did for many years, so I understand how hard it is not to have someone to depend on.  Those years were hard.  You may find yourself wondering how to enjoy your children.

I was alone with kids all day and night.  I had little children, a lot of them, and I had to come up with systems and strategies to cope.  That’s what I write about here and in my book.  It’s what I fill the Free Resource Library with. 

I had a deep desire to create a beautiful life for my children, and that took thoughtful effort.  I didn’t do everything perfect and I learned a lot of hard lessons, but I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time. 

Hopefully, you’ll find something here that will add to your knowledge bank so you can create better days for you and your family.

Survival tactics

I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed with the following strategies, just add one idea at a time.  Once you have it established and consistent, add another idea. Just taking small steps to re-learn how to enjoy your children.

Create good habits with your children

• Have a consistent bedtime routine that starts at the exact same time every evening. Give the children a 10 minute heads-up before  it starts. Bathe or wash-up, pajamas, brush teeth, drink, then story time and a song. Pray with them. Give hugs and kisses, say good night. Important: do the exact same bedtime routine every night.

• Bedtime stories: one picture book that they choose and one Bible story.  Not an endless stack of books, just two stories.

• Have a consistent morning routine for the children. Have breakfast at a certain time. Say “Good morning” to each one with a happy voice and give each one a hug. Nobody wants to wake up to a barking voice or “Hey, get up and get moving.”  Greet them with a smile and cheer, even if they wake up grumpy.

Structure your days

Structured days are a great step towards learning how to enjoy your children

• Have regular meal and snack times of healthy foods. Feed them every 2-3 hours. Thank God before each meal/snack. Say a short and sweet prayer, a memorized prayer, or a song prayer. Hungry children will have behavior problems, so will moms.  Remember to eat regularly, every 2-3 hours.

•   Every morning have a teaching time when you choose a book and activity to do together. Make it fun! Take pictures of your fun to remember later. 

• Have a naptime / Quiet Hour every afternoon right after lunch Table Chores. Snuggle on the couch and read one or two stories before naptime.

• Have a Read Aloud Time every day, choose a chapter book that would be interesting to them. They can play quietly while you read, color, or snuggle but ask them to be quiet while you read. Stop occasionally and ask them to say back what you read or retell the story. This helps build their listening skills which will help with so many other areas of life.

Play

• Give them free play every day: but not a free-for-all the whole day. Make sure your children have open ended imaginative toys. Melissa and Doug, Montessori, and the like. Remove all noise makers unless they add significant value (this is for your sanity). There are great options that create imaginative play that grows their minds and keeps them busy with stimulating activity for long periods of time.

• Every day play outside: in your yard, go to a park, and/or go for a nature walk. Do something outside for at least one hour every day. You can split it between morning and afternoon. Show them the beauty of creation. Get a bird guide, a tree guide, etc. There is a beautiful world to explore, start showing it to them.  There is science behind all the benefits of being in nature for children and adults.

• Put a time in your day for playing with puzzles or art. Or Sit Time where each child goes to a specific spot with a stack of age appropriate books for a certain amount of age appropriate minutes. Use a specific playlist for these times of day.  Playlists invoke a mood, quiet music for quiet times like puzzles and art. Cheery up-beat music for Afternoon Chore Time.

• Evening: play games, play outside, read stories, take a walk. Live deliberately, if Dad is there in the evening, do something enjoyable to build that connection.

Chores

• Give children table chores. I.e. Put dishes in the dishwasher, wipe the table, sweep under the table. Thank them for their help, give praise. We all eat, chores give purpose and value to both the food prep and the effort it takes to create meals.  Make them an event and have your children help.  Even little children can help; in fact, preschoolers are great helpers in the kitchen!

• Have a toy pick-up before lunch. It should take 10 minutes or less. If it takes longer then there are too many toys out. Use a 10 minute music playlist, the same one every day, for toy pick-up. You could also use a kitchen timer but a playlist is more pleasant.  Choose cheerful songs.  You’ll have to help them and show them how to pick-up.  Teach them also to put a toy away when they are finished playing with it.  Having certain locations for certain toys helps them learn orderliness.  “Everything has a place, everything in its place.”

• Hold a daily Afternoon Chore Time: basic cleaning chores. Get a small broom and dust pan, a feather duster, dish pans or small baskets for toting clean laundry. Invite your children into your work. Give them praise and say thank you! Give them hugs.

• Assign a kitchen helper for each day. When you are working in the kitchen, have that child assist. Get a child sized spoon, a chef hat, make it fun.

Be Intentional about your attitude

• Name five things you love about each child. Write it on a list. Read it every day.  Look for positive aspects about each child and tell them, encourage them.  “You were so kind when you ______” and a hug is a more beneficial approach than scolding them for unkind behavior.

• Teach them to love each other. “We are a family, we love each other, we take care of each other, we help each other.” Show them what that means, demonstrate it, talk about it.  “You saw that _____ needed help and you helped her!  Good job loving your sister!” Don’t allow them to treat anyone in the family as a burden.  Set the example, “Oh, the baby is crying, let’s help him!”

• Don’t allow name calling from anyone. Always use encouraging words that build up.

• Pray for each child specifically. For their day and night, their future, their faith, their spouse who is your future son or daughter-in-law, their struggles, everything. Pray all the time for your children. God is always with you and his mercies are everlasting. He gives wisdom to those who ask, so ask him all the time for wisdom in loving and caring for your children. The joy of the Lord is your strength!

Take care of yourself.

• Get healthy, eat the colors of the rainbow, cut out sugar, drink water, walk or exercise every day. All those things will boost your endorphins. 

• Smile. Put a pencil in your mouth so that your face has to smile. There is evidence that forcing the face muscles to smile actually causes real smiles and changes your mood to be more positive. There’s science behind it.️

• Pay attention to your inputs: music, shows, books, people. Choose positive and encouraging inputs. Don’t feed yourself with negativity and expect to get anything but negative results. Look for it and add to it. Unfollow accounts that are negative or snarky.  They might be funny in the moment but they bring you down in subtle ways.

• Most importantly: pray without ceasing. Pray about everything. God is with you always. God loves you!  Read the Bible and get to know him better. 

If you need help

If you feel like you might harm yourself or others, get help. There is no shame in that. Call a hotline, tell a friend or your husband, your medical provider, just get help. Your kids need you, the world needs what you have to offer. There are hormones that can become unbalanced and addressing that issue can make all the difference.  You might need to address issues in your past that are affecting you and your ability to parent right now, talk to a professional counselor about it. Ask God for wisdom in how to seek help.

You can regain enjoyment of your children. 

There is nothing like a mother’s love.  The Mama Bear effect is real.  Tap into that Mama Bear within and work on creating a beautiful life for you and your children.  Seek out inspirational activities that will build connection, involve your children in your work, do fun activities with them, and explore the world with them. You can learn how to enjoy your children again. Look for the joy, ask God to show it to you.  You can do it. 

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Some days motivation seems to hit an all time low, and yet there is work to be done! 

Unmotivated, that was me today- after a couple of days of physically taxing outdoors work my body was done! Anyone else out of shape after the winter? 

After that, I had a few days of mentally exhausting schoolwork. Now, I am mentally + physically exhausted. It’s safe to say that I’m unmotivated, low energy, and don’t want to do anything; you get the picture. 

What gets you down and unmotivated?

Sometimes stress can be the trigger. Stress is exhausting to our bodies and minds, in times of stress it’s important to focus on positive ways to manage stress and eliminate what stressors we can from our lives. 

So how do we manage times when we’re exhausted and unmotivated?

There are two ways to manage times when we’re either too tired,  or simply don’t want to do the necessary work at hand.

1. Break it up into bite sized chunks: 

Do your work in intervals. Pick an amount of time such as 15 or 25 minutes and do your work in those bite sized increments. 

Work for 15 minutes, then rest for 15 minutes. 

2. Work Fast for a set amount of time or until the task is finished. 

Your emphasis here is on speed! You’re going to power through your exhaustion or “I don’t want to” attitude and get the work done as quickly as possible. 

Work Fast is a method we’ve used many times around the house when faced with a big mess, unpleasant task, or when doing an outdoors job right before a weather event. 

Using a timer may help motivate you to “beat the clock.” When you’re working outside, the sky might be your timer. I can’t count the times we’ve raced to get a task done while watching dark blue clouds roll in, working faster and harder until big heavy raindrops started falling. (Can any gardeners relate here?) 

Sometimes the task doesn’t get done in your set amount of time, but at least you put in a good effort and made progress. Done is better than perfect.

Daily Application

The idea of Work Fast can be applied to your daily life, not just your unmotivated days!

For afternoon chore time or even your cleaning days you can use these same ideas. Race the clock! Set the timer, put your phone or distractions to the side, and work fast for the allotted time. 

Whether you give yourself 15 minutes or an hour, the idea of pushing through and giving one task your best effort for a set period of time can help you power through and get those necessary tasks done. 

You’ve got this mama!

For more great tips and hacks, check out our new e-book!

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One of the best things I did while pregnant was to research and prepare for my postpartum needs. As a first time mom I was anxious about the unknowns, so I managed those feelings by preparing and I was SO grateful that I did.

The most obvious thing you’ll do is prepare for your baby’s needs. Everyone gets excited about this part! Getting ready for a baby is fun. What’s less obvious and maybe not as fun, is to prepare for your needs too. 

Preparing for your postpartum needs is important. 

So much of life’s focus shifts to meet the babies needs, so having everything ready for your own needs gives you one less thing to think about. 

When you take good care of yourself, you are able to take better care of your child(ren). 

As a first time mom its safe to say that I over-researched when it came to my desire to be “ready” for my baby. But after experiencing childbirth and the newborn phase I’ve come to believe that it’s impossible to over-prepare for postpartum. 

Let me say that again. It’s impossible to over-prepare for postpartum. 

Ways to Prepare for Postpartum

Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty.

The most important things I did to prepare for my postpartum wellness and sanity were these:

• Prepare a mama-care basket for the bathroom
• Freezer Meals
• Strategically placed baskets of baby/mama items around the house
• Enlist help to deep clean the house before due date
• All anticipated baby needs put in place and organized (this was obvious and done well in advance because I was excited!)

These tasks are the things that I personally needed to do to put my mind at ease and feel prepared. 

The list of tasks that will make YOU feel prepared may be different! Each individual will have different “must haves” or those “must get done” tasks on their list. 

Mama Care Basket:

A mama care basket is a basket of care products that are ready and organized for your needs. 

I was blessed to have an uncomplicated vaginal birth, so my mama care basket included items such as:

• Extra Heavy Overnight Pads (my favorite brand is U by Kotex- they’re just what I find to be most comfortable)
• Tucks witch hazel pads 
• Frida Mom upside down peri bottle: this is WAY better than the hospital peri bottle, it’s worth the few extra dollars mama’s.
• DIY essential oil perineal spray: this was one of my favorite things, especially since I had stitches. Find the recipe in the Free Resource Library!
• Dermoplast spray(the blue cap): I didn’t use this as much but it was nice to have just in case- some moms swear by it.

For a little later on I also kept on hand: 

• Regular pads
• Panty liners

I liked keeping all these on hand before my due date so afterwards I didn’t even have to think about it! Everything I needed was in the bathroom cupboard or in the basket by the toilet.

Freezer Meals

Stocking up on freezer meals can be as simple or as complicated as you want it to be. I chose not to freeze complicated food or casseroles, but went a more simple route with items such as:

• Homemade Freezer Burritos: we did both breakfast burritos and simple beef and bean
• Pre-cooked ground beef: I chose to freeze a bunch of pre-browned ground beef that I could easily defrost and make into a meal for my family. It made our simple “go-to” recipes easier and cut down on time in the kitchen.
• Breakfast Muffins
• Family Favorites: for me these were things such as- Meatballs, Chili, and Beirocks. 

Freezer meal hack: double whatever recipe you’re making for dinner already and freeze half of it! This is an easy way to build up a stash of freezer meals.

Around the House Baskets

I used strategically placed baskets around my home in the places I spend the most time. 

I kept one in the living room by the couch, in the TV room, and of course beside the bed. 

In the baskets I kept items such as:

Breastfeeding Supplies:

• Breast Pads
• Nipple Cream
• Protein Bars/Granola Bars
• Burp Cloth
• Haaka (or off brand) silicone milk collector

Diaper Supplies:

• Diapers
• Wipes
• Diaper Cream

Misc Items:

• Nose Frida or Nose Bulb
• Pacifiers

Having these little baskets of necessities around the house was so helpful. It was nice to know that everything I would need when sitting down with baby was within arms reach. Keeping a quality snack in there was also super important in those first weeks because I would get intensely hungry while nursing. 

Enlist help with 3rd Trimester cleaning projects

If you’re anything like me, the desire to bring baby home to a sparkling clean house is strong. However, it can be hard to find much energy for projects in the third trimester! And some cleaning tasks are downright unsafe at that point (especially if your baby belly makes you clumsy!). 

SO, swipe through your phone and dial up your favorite helper(s): mom, sister, aunt, cousin, friend, whoever! Then make a list of “must-do” cleaning tasks that require help, and have your supplies ready for when help arrives!

Most Importantly:

Make Yourself a Priority

During postpartum your newborn is the first priority. However as a healing mama who just went through a huge physical event, you have to take time to prioritize yourself. 

After the birth of my first, I was consumed with all things baby. After my husband went back to work, remembering to eat at every mealtime or simple things like showering daily were fuzzy afterthoughts. I was too busy cuddling my baby, breastfeeding, and letting her nap on me!

I didn’t put my contacts in or wear makeup often for probably 4-5 weeks after she was born. And when I finally took off my glasses and started doing normal “me-things” again I felt SO much better. That’s when the newborn fog started to lift. 

SO, prioritize yourself mamas!

Prioritizing yourself means:

Basic self-care

• Eating 3 meals a day AND healthy snacks
• Drinking enough water and healthy beverages
• Carving out time to shower daily- dad needs baby snuggles too! Your shower time is their bonding time.
• Taking time to do something that makes you feel like you: whether that means putting on makeup, wearing something besides yoga pants, or whatever little thing you can do that’s just for you. 
• Generally noticing and attending to your needs. 

By attending to your needs postpartum and attending to your healing and self-care, you’re setting yourself up to be the happiest and healthiest mama that you can be. 

When you’re a happy and healthy mama, you’re able to take the best possible care of your children! 

As they say: “if mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.”

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The post How to Prepare for Postpartum appeared first on Home Plain and Simple.

A Post By Bridgette

It’s an incredibly exciting event when someone in your life has a new baby- whether it’s a close friend, family member, or co-worker! When preparing to visit a new mom, you may be wondering what to bring a new mom.

Today I’m writing about how you can be helpful to her while she recovers from the birth of her child. Read on to find all the information and tips you’ll need to best help the new mom in your life. 

Postpartum is hard

When I was recovering from the birth of my daughter, I felt like I got hit by a dump truck. I was tired, sore, and completely consumed by caring for my newborn. I was too occupied and tired to think of anything besides healing, and bonding with my baby. So I tried not to worry about anything else. 

Priorities Shift

Any kind of housework took the back burner. In those early postpartum days I became even more grateful for my amazing husband, and my support network of family and friends. Anyone who brought meals, washed dishes, folded the laundry, or even just texted to ask how I was doing were my guardian angels. 

Moms need help

I realized how blessed I was to have people in my life who KNEW what I needed. Cause I didn’t, and I didn’t have the brain power at the time to realize what I needed or ask for help. Every mama deserves to be cared for like that, so I made a list of all the ways a new mom could be helped. There’s a list of things to bring, and a list of things to do, and any one of these things would brighten a new mama’s day and make it just that much easier. 

What to bring a new mom:

• Supper, lunch, or breakfast: Long story short- bring her a meal! The typical meal to bring is supper, the largest meal of the day. But don’t be shy about thinking outside the box and offering to bring a nice lunch, or even breakfast food! Side note: 1. Don’t ask her what to bring, just bring it.  2. Make sure the meal you bring doesn’t require prep on her part. 3. Keep your visit short, drop off the meal and continue on your way. 

• Her favorite snack or drink: After getting up every 2 hours a night with baby, a mama deserves a treat! Ask her what her favorite snack is: a Snickers bar and iced tea? Hummus & chips? 

• Fresh Fruit & Veggies: Washed, cut up, and ready to just grab and eat. This is one of my favorite things that someone did for me postpartum! I was seriously craving fruit, so it was a huge blessing to have fruits and veggies all cut up and ready to go so I could just grab it and have a snack while I nursed my baby. 

• Anything she may need from the store: A new mom has a lot on her plate, lighten her load by asking her what she needs from the store and picking it up for her. 

• Something for the baby: Nothing is cuter than baby things (except of course, the baby)! If you haven’t already splurged on this baby, this is an opportunity to find out what mom still needs, and do some fun baby shopping.

• A good book: Many of those early postpartum days are spent on the couch underneath a nursing or sleeping infant. Binge watching Netflix is great, but it might be nice for her to switch gears and dive into a good book. Now’s a good time to lend her a few great books!

• Flowers: Depending on the weather, it can be hard to get outside with a newborn. Bringing fresh flowers to the mama in your life can help brighten her day by bringing a bit of the outside, indoors.

Ask the mom in your life what she needs, or pick something from this list to bring her when you visit. The first weeks with a newborn are overwhelming, and visitors are often exhausting.

When you come to visit keep your expectations low and your visit short. If you want to be helpful but find yourself unable to bring anything- refer to the list below to see what you could do for her.

What to do to help a new mom while visiting:

• Clean the kitchen/wash dishes: Pitch in and help with kitchen chores! Unload/load dishwasher, wash dishes, wipe counters etc.. As awkward as it was at  first to have someone else doing my kitchen work, it was also a huge relief to me when my mom would come over and immediately begin washing dishes. I didn’t ask her, I may have even tried to protest- but she did it anyway. Be that kind of friend.

• Ask about household chores you could help with: Whether it be sweeping/vacuuming, taking out the trash, or any other chore the mom just couldn’t quite get to. Ask her what she could use a hand with! 

• Walk the dog/water the plants: Whether the mama in your life has a dog or some other type of pet, houseplants, goldfish, whatever it may be! Take the dog on a walk, water the plants, offer to help out in whatever way you’re able. 

• Help with older children (if applicable)

• Offer to hold the baby so she can shower: Maybe she wants to shower, or to spend 5 minutes doing literally anything non-baby-related. Offer to give the mom a break- but don’t be offended if she declines, it can be hard to hand over the baby when she’s brand new!

• Laundry: Give a hand with the laundry: switch loads, offer to start a new load, and fold the clean laundry.

Your help is important, and appreciated.

If you take these tips and implement even just a few of them, I promise that you’ll light up a postpartum mama’s day. I was lucky enough to have family members help me out the first few weeks. They knew what to do and what to bring a new mom; they were a huge help which was a relief to my overwhelmed first-time-mama’s mind and allowed me to focus on bonding with my baby. 

Bonus list: Rules to follow when visiting the new mom:

• Do NOT under any circumstances visit if you think you may be sick. If you have the sniffles and think it may just be allergies? Stay away. You don’t want to be the person responsible for getting the newborn baby sick.
• Wash your hands before touching/holding the baby. 
• Don’t bring your children unless it’s been approved by the mom you’re visiting.
• It may be hard, but try not to hold the baby for too long! And if she fusses or cries, hand her right back to her mom. Just do it. 
• Don’t stay for too long. What feels like a short visit to you, may seem like an eternity to the (sleep deprived) mama.
• Don’t show up at the hospital uninvited.
• Be sensitive- postpartum is a vulnerable time. Try to be careful with your words and your actions, even if you’re just “teasing” it can be hurtful. 
• Be smart- don’t kiss the baby, anywhere! Even her cute little hands go straight to her mouth. Don’t spread germs.
• Don’t visit at unreasonable times of day. Pro tip: if you want to see a happy + awake baby, visit in the morning.

Drop a comment below: What was your postpartum experience like? Did you resonate with these tips? What would you add to this list? 

The post What to Bring a New Mom: The Visitors Guide you didn’t know you needed appeared first on Home Plain and Simple.

The 24/7 daily life of being a mom can be a lot of stress to manage.  Schedules, food, laundry, and cleaning- just for starters. Moms have a lot on their plate, and home management skills can help to relieve the stress of mess, clutter, and an unorganized life. 

In Home Management, Plain and Simple I write about managing home life to make it more enjoyable. Working through the book and implementing home management strategies can make a difference in your everyday life to reduce stress. 

For today, I’ve put together a few simple steps you can add to your life, one baby step at a time.  I do these steps daily. Managing stress has to be simple because life can be busy and complicated, even when we deliberately try to slow it down.  

1. Acknowledge Your Stress

Stress is a daily part of life for moms. The first step to managing stress is to acknowledge the fact that it’s real. Pretending it’s not there won’t help! There are different types of stress that may impact us in different ways.

There’s good stress, which pushes us to improvement such as when we set a goal and take steps to reach that goal.  Stress isn’t always a negative thing. For example, a stressful task after being done fifteen times is much easier the fifteenth time than the first. Stress in small doses followed by recovery time, makes us more able to handle the next stressor. Mastering moderate stress can be a learned skill.  For real, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”  Grab some hope here!

There’s also negative stress; the kind of stress that comes from adverse life events. Or stress that comes from a series of moderate stressors in a short period of time.  This is the kind of stress that makes us feel sick and can affect our physical and mental health.  What you feel is real and you may need to acknowledge that you’ve experienced something traumatic and talk to someone professional about it. There’s no shame in that.

Stress is viewed subjectively. Things that may cause me stress may not cause you stress, or we can interpret stress in varying degrees.  This is why we must be kind and gracious with each other and ourselves. There are millions of factors that cause us all to see the world through different eyes.

So today, acknowledge the stressor of the moment.  Say it aloud to yourself, write it down, or tell someone.  Stress is a daily part of life, acknowledge its presence.

2. Write Your Mom Stress

Get a piece of paper to write your stressors on.  My favorite everyday plain paper I use is a yellow legal pad because I can buy it anywhere, and it’s yellow so I don’t lose it.  Today, every single time you feel your stress level rising, your jaw tighten, teeth clench, stomach jitters, your voice raise in irritation, a compulsion to go back to bed, reach for a drink, have a smoke, eat some food, look at social media, whatever it is that soothes your angst; write down what is going on in your home or your thoughts and your physical symptom.  It helps to simply identify the trigger for the stress. The types of mom stress is going to be different for each one of us. Once the stress is identified, then you can do something constructive about it. Learn how to manage the stressor and your reaction in a healthy way.

Some of your tactics for managing stress are probably fine and healthy, and likely some are harmful to you and/or those around you.  That’s why it’s important to write and think through what stresses you out and how you’re currently coping with the stressors. You want to think about the best ways to reduce your stress, to manage and master daily stressors.  It’s tricky because life is constantly changing and bringing us new challenges. It’s valuable to learn healthy stress management techniques that work for you.

If you want to journal about your stress for fifteen minutes, then go for it!  But when you’re a busy mom, finding fifteen minutes for journaling can be hit-or-miss. That’s why I suggest just writing a few words about what the stressor is and how you feel.  It’s do-able. Then, you can think about how to manage your daily mom stress.

3. Be Grateful, Give Thanks

You’ve probably heard it a million times, but that’s because gratefulness works for managing stress.  You can keep a gratitude journal on  paper, on the computer, or with an app on your phone.  It doesn’t have to be complicated. I know you’re busy so keep it simple.  If you use your phone, give yourself reminders throughout the day. Even if you don’t get it written, the reminder causes a pause and makes you conscious of the act of living gratefully.

Write your thanks in the morning when you’re starting your day, or do it at night as part of your bedtime routine. You could even do both.  Teach gratefulness to your kids at breakfast, keep a group journal. How about a photo journal of gratefulness?

Say “Thank you” as part of your daily vocabulary when you interact with people.  “Thank you for your time,” “Thank you for your patience,” “Thank you for your help,” “Thank you for serving”—give your thanks away to bless those around you!

4. Spend Time Outdoors

The evidence that going outside into nature is having big benefits for mental and physical health keeps building.  I think it’s fascinating! Even having houseplants or window views is beneficial. As a busy mom, how do you do that?  I love houseplants, but when my children were little I couldn’t keep them alive. I was too busy feeding and watering humans!  I did better with vegetable gardening because… rain.

A few simple ideas for getting outside into nature to manage stress are:  go for a walk with or without your children, play with your children in the yard or at a park, plant a flower or vegetable garden to get you outside daily, explore your local parks and conservation areas, take up running or biking, play in the snow with your children, walk beside water, or just sit outside on your front step and watch the sky.

Simple ideas for appreciating the outdoors during the winter or on rainy days: houseplants, leave your curtains open, plant a tree or garden to be viewed from your windows, hang birdfeeders, place a favorite comfy chair beside a window with the best outdoor view, or go outside despite the weather.

5. Do Something for Your Health

A whole book could be written about health effects on our lives, we know these things.  However it can be overwhelming to think about making dramatic life changes. Lasting change happens with small things done daily.  I suggest that once daily, put some deliberate action into making a healthy choice in food and drink. There are all kinds of diet opinions; to keep it simple for your daily stress management, stick to adding one healthy choice and then do it daily for a few weeks.  That one action will get the ball rolling towards making other healthy choices.

A few simple ideas of healthy food and drink choices for today: cut a lemon into a pitcher of water and sip it all day, look up a list of anti-oxidant foods and eat one each day, eat leafy greens, eat a handful of nuts for one of your snacks, eat fish, eat eggs, add a colorful fruit or vegetable to your family meal.

Simple ideas for adding exercise today: go for a walk, do a yoga video from YouTube, do ten jumping-jacks, play outside with your children, go for a bike ride, swim with your children, garden.

Managing Daily Mom Stress

There are many other items we could add to this list but for the sake of simplicity, start with the basics.  Give your stress acknowledgment and thought, then move onto simple do-able solutions. Moms, work on managing your daily stress, don’t suffer and don’t let it grow.  

Hey mama, if better home management will help ease your daily stress, take a look at the worksheets in the Free Resource Library or get the book Home Management, Plain and Simple.  I’ve got nine kids, four still at home.  I’ve had many years of swimming in babies, toddlers, preschoolers… and years of four teenagers at a time… yeah, I did that.  I’m still doing it. And I’m here to tell you that I not only survived, we’ve had a lot of fun! It is figure-out-able.

The post 5 Simple Steps to Manage Mom Stress appeared first on Home Plain and Simple.